onceuponarealityproductions

Out of New York. Into Boise.

In Uncategorized on May 4, 2016 at 7:22 pm

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I’m sitting and writing a blog with a wide-ass grin on my face. I must’ve done something right. In the adventure known as Where the hell does Erika live Nowadays? I’d like to provide an update. I’m currently living in Boise, Idaho for the month of May.

Wait, what? You said you were moving to California! You can’t take detours. Just go! What are you waiting for?

I don’t think that anyone is actually saying that, but in case they’re thinking it, here’s the thing: It’s my life and my adventure. And right now, my soul is telling me that I need to detox New York out of my system before heading to California. Could you imagine my anxiety filled neurosis infiltrating California? It would be terrible

Side Note: If you’re not able to remember me having anxiety filled neurosis, then you might’ve met me in California and haven’t seen me in 4 years. I’ve turned into a mess.

That’s the biggest reason why we left New York: To be happier. I can’t speak for Matt, but that’s why I left. I wasn’t happy anymore. It killed me to realize that in New York. I thought I would live in that magnificent city forever, but after 3.5 years, something wasn’t clicking anymore. I’d see my parents and be twitching and developing a strange form of PTSD. I’d cry when it was time to go back to New York. I stopped making eye contact with people, smiling or even believing in myself. I felt like a sack of shit every single day. I felt like I was deflated. The energy that brought me to New York was gone. I had completely burned out and lost my sparkle.

The fact that I only felt like myself once I left New York was a huge red flag. I had turned into a militant version of myself in New York. I no longer wore bright colors, because I just wanted to be invisible. I didn’t want to get comments from guys on the street every minute. I started wearing shorts under my sun dresses because it was too exhausting to remember to strategically cover my ass as I hiked up flights of stairs leaving the subway every day. I took any job that paid me. I didn’t want to be like the characters from Rent who I used to lovingly look up to. I didn’t want to stand up for a creative life. I wanted to stand up for paying my high rent on time. My energy for pursuing theater went away during year 2, where I was consumed with surviving financially, and that consumption sucked me dry.

Here’s what I’m grateful for: I’m 100% sure that I can survive in New York. I’m not above any job. I do what it takes. I can meet the people I’m supposed to meet. Network in every situation. Learn how to live in the tiniest living spaces.

I didn’t leave New York because I was broke. New York didn’t spit me out. I got to be the one to make the decision that the shoe didn’t fit for me in a long-term sense.

So, here I am. In Boise for the month of May. Settling my mind and spirit before jumping head over heels into LA. Settling my spirit so that its ready to take bigger risks than I’ve ever taken.

I know I’m happy right now in this moment. I haven’t felt this happy in a long time. The west coast will forever be my home. My skin feels different here. You can feel the different energy in the air and it is revitalizing me. The air in Boise is stronger than 5 cups of coffee. It lifts me up. I floated through the downtown area last night happily strolling past bars, enjoying the beauty of my surroundings and breathing in this beautiful air.

I met Matt in Boise. At the time, we were two energetic people who were itching to be in New York. Now we’re back in Boise for the time being, and everything feels just as it should. We have been together 4 years. We both grew up a lot in that time. Fortunately, we also grew together. It’s incredible walking through the downtown streets with him. We’ve come full circle. We can see Boise and New York for what they’ve always been. New York as a town for dreamers that every person should experience and take on. New York shows you who you are. Even more importantly, New York shows you who you truly want to be, and proves to you that you are capable of it. Boise shows you the importance of balance and happiness. Boise is running into friendly faces on the street. Boise is community. Boise is about coming together to support creativity. This week alone, Matt and I are going to an art crawl and two plays. Let’s play. California, I’m gonna be so ready for you. I hope you’re ready.

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