Sense Memory: My super power.

In Uncategorized on October 21, 2012 at 4:53 am



As a kid, I wanted to fly. This simple want of mine turned into something so extreme, that every answer I formulated in response to every adult question had to involve the concept of flying.

What do you want to play today?


What do you want to be when you grow up?

Someone capable of flying.

What super power do you want?

Flight. Duh. 

I was a dreamer from the start, so I had actually convinced myself that this was something I was capable of, if I just wished it hard enough. I used to do flips off of an acrobat set that was hanging from a tree in my gramma’s backyard. One day I convinced myself that I could do my rendition of a back-tuck off of the bar and land safely on my feet because I would fly my way out of any un-safe situation. That was the day Erika landed on her head. That was the day I’m sure that I permanently damaged whichever realistic side of the brain I had left. That was also the day that I received my super power. My super power is Sense Memory.

Boring? Are you dare thinking that this super power is boring? Let me explain how cool this one is. I fell asleep once during a college class. Once. The memory of me sleeping in the class was so profound, that when I showed up to class the next week, I fell asleep the moment my ass hit the chair. I wasn’t tired. I wasn’t bored. My body just stashed away the memory that this is what I’m supposed to do. It was only in that one class, but it was a daily issue. So much so, that my seat partner got used to checking in on me and hitting my arm whenever the professor looked my way. I fell asleep while driving my car on the freeway. Once. I wasn’t tired. It was a beautiful sunny day. The mix of the sunshine beating down on my skin and the wide open freeway put me to sleep. I don’t know how I was fortunate enough to not die on that day, but every time I drive on a beautiful day over 80 degrees, my body wants to sleep. I literally have to be prepared with loud music and shorten my trips to no longer than 5 minutes. I have sense memory with relationships too, which as you can imagine, will get you into a lot more trouble a lot faster than it ever will falling asleep in class. I’m guilty of carrying my disgusting, bed-bug ridden baggage from one relationship to the next. I’m guilty of hearing a person tell me one thing, and my body literally shutting down because I’ve heard people say the same thing in the past. The sense memory side of me desperately hangs onto one statement, and leaves my heart and my head with the task of coming to a resolution. Why do you feel the way you feel, etc. It’s taken practice for me to train my sense memory side. It’s taken time for me to drop the baggage and look sense memory square in the face and say, “Look. I know you’re my super power. But I’m fine. Everything in life is a learning experience. Not all people will treat me the same. I know you’re trying to protect me, but in this particular situation, you’re actually hurting me. You are going to steer me away from something that is really good, and I can’t listen to you on this one.” 

Today, my sense memory hit me like a bag of bricks. Ok, that was harsh but still…I had an amazing night last night. I slept well. I have a trip to New York to look forward to. I’m happy. I’m confident. Every element is there. Every ounce of my day was perfect until the minute I showed up to work. I suddenly felt miserable. Grouchy. Irritable. I immediately wanted to blame my feelings on P.M.S. That had to be it. Maybe it was money I was stressing over. Sure, that was it. I couldn’t get rid of this gut-wrenching awful feeling. I’ve felt this feeling before. You want to tell yourself you’re crazy and bi-polar because you can’t explain the mood swings. You want to convince yourself that you’re doing the better thing by being in a job that makes you unhappy because you are sacrificing to save up for something that will one day make all your dreams come true. Here’s my theory. If you’re miserable, make a change. Staying in something to appear less selfish or to stand at the forefront of the idea of, “You have to be unhappy to be a hard-worker” is just that. An idea. And a crummy one at that. I’m unhappy in my job. Therefore, I’m trying to make change. It’s absolutely not fair to my co-workers for them to have to be around someone who is a pain in the ass. It’s not fair to my friends and family to hear me say that I’m not happy. I’d be better off being broke as hell and happy. Thank you sense memory for giving me that dose of reality that I need sometimes. I have tried to convince myself that you need an awful day-job to pay your bills while you do what you love on the side. At the end of the day, you are still contributing 40 hours a week to something you can’t stand. The best thing to always do, is love everything that you have going on in your life. Love your day job because it covers your bills while you work on other things. The minute you stop loving it, or you can’t love it anymore for that simple reason, time for a change. You’re worth it. You can always make money elsewhere. 

As Erika dramatically leaves apartment and starts walking across the country. Kidding. But yeah..sense memory…my super power kicks some ass. 

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