Archive for October, 2012|Monthly archive page

Sense Memory: My super power.

In Uncategorized on October 21, 2012 at 4:53 am



As a kid, I wanted to fly. This simple want of mine turned into something so extreme, that every answer I formulated in response to every adult question had to involve the concept of flying.

What do you want to play today?


What do you want to be when you grow up?

Someone capable of flying.

What super power do you want?

Flight. Duh. 

I was a dreamer from the start, so I had actually convinced myself that this was something I was capable of, if I just wished it hard enough. I used to do flips off of an acrobat set that was hanging from a tree in my gramma’s backyard. One day I convinced myself that I could do my rendition of a back-tuck off of the bar and land safely on my feet because I would fly my way out of any un-safe situation. That was the day Erika landed on her head. That was the day I’m sure that I permanently damaged whichever realistic side of the brain I had left. That was also the day that I received my super power. My super power is Sense Memory.

Boring? Are you dare thinking that this super power is boring? Let me explain how cool this one is. I fell asleep once during a college class. Once. The memory of me sleeping in the class was so profound, that when I showed up to class the next week, I fell asleep the moment my ass hit the chair. I wasn’t tired. I wasn’t bored. My body just stashed away the memory that this is what I’m supposed to do. It was only in that one class, but it was a daily issue. So much so, that my seat partner got used to checking in on me and hitting my arm whenever the professor looked my way. I fell asleep while driving my car on the freeway. Once. I wasn’t tired. It was a beautiful sunny day. The mix of the sunshine beating down on my skin and the wide open freeway put me to sleep. I don’t know how I was fortunate enough to not die on that day, but every time I drive on a beautiful day over 80 degrees, my body wants to sleep. I literally have to be prepared with loud music and shorten my trips to no longer than 5 minutes. I have sense memory with relationships too, which as you can imagine, will get you into a lot more trouble a lot faster than it ever will falling asleep in class. I’m guilty of carrying my disgusting, bed-bug ridden baggage from one relationship to the next. I’m guilty of hearing a person tell me one thing, and my body literally shutting down because I’ve heard people say the same thing in the past. The sense memory side of me desperately hangs onto one statement, and leaves my heart and my head with the task of coming to a resolution. Why do you feel the way you feel, etc. It’s taken practice for me to train my sense memory side. It’s taken time for me to drop the baggage and look sense memory square in the face and say, “Look. I know you’re my super power. But I’m fine. Everything in life is a learning experience. Not all people will treat me the same. I know you’re trying to protect me, but in this particular situation, you’re actually hurting me. You are going to steer me away from something that is really good, and I can’t listen to you on this one.” 

Today, my sense memory hit me like a bag of bricks. Ok, that was harsh but still…I had an amazing night last night. I slept well. I have a trip to New York to look forward to. I’m happy. I’m confident. Every element is there. Every ounce of my day was perfect until the minute I showed up to work. I suddenly felt miserable. Grouchy. Irritable. I immediately wanted to blame my feelings on P.M.S. That had to be it. Maybe it was money I was stressing over. Sure, that was it. I couldn’t get rid of this gut-wrenching awful feeling. I’ve felt this feeling before. You want to tell yourself you’re crazy and bi-polar because you can’t explain the mood swings. You want to convince yourself that you’re doing the better thing by being in a job that makes you unhappy because you are sacrificing to save up for something that will one day make all your dreams come true. Here’s my theory. If you’re miserable, make a change. Staying in something to appear less selfish or to stand at the forefront of the idea of, “You have to be unhappy to be a hard-worker” is just that. An idea. And a crummy one at that. I’m unhappy in my job. Therefore, I’m trying to make change. It’s absolutely not fair to my co-workers for them to have to be around someone who is a pain in the ass. It’s not fair to my friends and family to hear me say that I’m not happy. I’d be better off being broke as hell and happy. Thank you sense memory for giving me that dose of reality that I need sometimes. I have tried to convince myself that you need an awful day-job to pay your bills while you do what you love on the side. At the end of the day, you are still contributing 40 hours a week to something you can’t stand. The best thing to always do, is love everything that you have going on in your life. Love your day job because it covers your bills while you work on other things. The minute you stop loving it, or you can’t love it anymore for that simple reason, time for a change. You’re worth it. You can always make money elsewhere. 

As Erika dramatically leaves apartment and starts walking across the country. Kidding. But yeah..sense memory…my super power kicks some ass. 

Politics according to Jenko.

In Uncategorized on October 16, 2012 at 7:15 am




Most of you will hate this post, so don’t say I didn’t warn you. Most of you will start yelling ‘naive’ at your computer, or feel sorry for me and want to send me a message summing up what is going on politically in our country so that I can form an opinion. Here we go. I’m only posting this because Project Free Tv is taking a moment to load and my A.D.D. kicked in as I was loading the latest episode of “How I Met Your Mother.” I started to notice a lot of posts regarding recent political events, and it got me thinking….I don’t have an opinion. I love my friends who have passionate opinions. It doesn’t matter if the opinions are blunt, vague or even comically formulated…they’re opinions and they’re fantastic. So it got me thinking about a lot of things. Got me thinking about the fact that I haven’t voted in a couple years, and I’m pretty sure that the last time I voted, it was to get the ‘I voted’ sticker because it looked cute with my outfit I had on that day. My favorite experiences with politics came from watching far too much Dave and The American President growing up, and of course listening to The West Wing theme song, because I’m too cool to listen to the radio. The last time I felt passionate about politics was watching Legally Blonde 2. That cheesy courtroom scene kicks ass. The time before that was learning how to debate in college and watching my peers do so on a competitive level. I must admit, I have a fear of politics. My feelings toward politics are very similar to my feelings toward religion. I always think of high school. I was always told the same thing from my family: It doesn’t matter if you’re Catholic or Athiest. It doesn’t matter if you’re a Republican or a Democrat. It doesn’t even matter if you pick a side. But whatever you pick, do it because you’re passionate about it and because it’s the right choice for you. And that’s exactly what I did. I test drove a few religions in high school. None were a good fit. Classmates couldn’t figure me out. Why didn’t I want a label? Wasn’t I afraid I was going to go to hell? What, you don’t believe in hell? All of the labels and all of the hate made me turn around and finally say to the world, “I believe in myself. I believe I can be a good person and do the right thing and I believe in me. I believe in my peers to do the right thing. I believe we can love and I believe we can inspire.” This is what is right for me. I have family members and friends who share a different viewpoint when it comes to religion, and I love it. I love it because it is what works for them. They’re happy, so I’m happy. Of course, the only problem with my beliefs is it doesn’t include anything visual, which got kind of boring for me. So to fix this, I put my faith in a woodland tree fairy. And she kicks ass all the time. High school put the same twist on politics for me. Remember your classmates running for President? My vote was solely based on who gave me the best candy. If you handed me a snickers, that’s it…I’ll vote for you a thousand times. But then do you remember how awful it got? Cliches started to form over it. It became a popularity contest. Did the best person ever really win in these things? Politics. I couldn’t pick a side. I guess I’m pretty damn liberal if I had to pick anything. It would be easy to say that I just don’t do politics. That they don’t impact me. That I don’t have to care. I’m not an idiot. I know it impacts me and the things I am passionate about. I know that a simple decision to put a cut in the arts budget effects my future. It affects the way the arts are viewed. It makes it consistently more difficult to get them back. I’m not naive enough to not know this. Here’s what I do know: I know that I don’t know enough about any given side because I haven’t given myself the opportunity to do so. Having said this, I’m cheering on those of you who have done your homework. It’s easy to pick a side and jump on the apple box. If you have a side, research the hell out of it and stick by it. I haven’t chosen my side or my label yet, but here’s what I will say. I remember sitting on my couch last year in the middle of one of my worst weeks of 2011. I was in a financial hole of misery that I couldn’t dig myself out of. I cried a lot. I lost hope. And I needed it back. Sat on the couch and listened to one of Obama’s speeches. Even though I hadn’t done my homework enough to agree or disagree with what he was saying, I finally felt what could only be described as a moment of hope. A moment where I thought that someone else had my back and my best interest at heart. I guess that’s the magic of politics. It does the same damn awesome thing that faith/religion/etc can do. It gives you some sort of hope. Whatever your hope is, and whatever your side is, just know that you’re awesome. You’re awesome because you care. 

Death and taxes and a codfish.

In Uncategorized on October 12, 2012 at 2:39 am

You’ve all heard the warning before:

The only certainties in life are death and taxes.

Whenever I hear that quote, I see myself riding “Pirates of the Carribean” at Disneyland, and hearing these words being uttered by the pirate who is supposed to say, “Dead men tell no tales.” Right?! I should break into Disneyland and switch the track to the death and taxes quote. It would be hysterical.

Death & Taxes. The damn villain of the financial story of everyone’s life. Parents have warned you. Friends have warned you. Co-workers have warned. Be careful with life’s decisions, because death and taxes are the only sure bet. Don’t take a chance or waste your money or death and taxes will attack. They’re lurking in your closet just waiting for you. Death and Taxes have been made out to be the codfish. Lately, (due to an alarming number of hours that I’ve spent reading up on J.M. Barrie’s life and re-reading Peter Pan), I would have to say that Death and Taxes is in fact the hero…maybe even the Peter Pan of the tale.


There is another popular quote: To die would be an awfully big adventure. A quote written by J.M. Barrie and spoken by Peter in the classic, Peter Pan. Barrie’s tale of Peter in the book, Peter Pan in Kensington Gardens can be described in one way…it was a way for Barrie to get through the death of his brother David, who had passed away at the age of 13. Peter symbolized David. A child who would live in the gardens and protect the children who had passed away. He would live eternally as a young boy. While Peter believed himself to be lucky to be able to stay young forever, the underlying sadness that Barrie sprinkles in, shows the tragedy of a boy who will never grow up and experience the beautiful things that life has to offer.

To die would be an awfully big adventure.

Death is something that is unavoidable, but it should follow a life that was full of moments of surprise, the ability to take chances and the strength to love others and push yourself to try new things.

Death and taxes. Perhaps it is a more positive message than we once thought. If death and taxes is the only sure bet, then life has given you permission to take a leap and enjoy your life. There is no such thing as bad decisions, time wasted or mistakes. Every mistake I have made has taken me to the place I am today. Life is an awfully big adventure. So go eat too much McDonalds. Have one too many beers once in awhile. Apply for the job you actually want. Say ‘I Love you’ if you feel it. Change things if you’re unhappy.