Morning pages.

In Uncategorized on February 10, 2012 at 3:27 pm

I have this book called, “The Artist’s Way.” To be honest, the book is pretty religious. Not really my style. However, I’ve referred to the book frequently when it comes to writing, because the message of the book is the same. Write. Just write. Anything. Don’t judge yourself. Don’t judge what you put down on paper. Just write something and don’t judge it because its ‘art.’ Art won’t be perfect every time, but you gotta at least give it a chance. One of my favorite exercises from “The Artist’s Way” was the morning pages. You get up first thing in the morning. Sit down with your cup of coffee, and write. There doesn’t have to be a topic. It doesn’t have to even make sense. Its simply a way to flush out your thoughts so that you can clear your head and start your day properly. Think of it as an emotional laxative. I’ve decided that I’ve missed doing the morning pages, so I’m about to give it a go…here they are for your early morning enjoyment…

I decided to wake up early today. 6:30. Me waking up early for no good reason is something that I have to talk myself into the night before. I literally have to give myself a pep talk. I have to convince myself of the wonders of waking up early for no apparent reason. 

‘You get to see the world before anyone else!”

That’s when I tell myself, “Not true, silly Erika. There are truckers all over the world who were up earlier than you, therefore they saw the world earlier than you did today.”

So I woke up early. Took a shower. Fed the kitties. Then what? What the hell do you do this early in the morning? I sat outside. I enjoyed the morning air. I sat down with “Cosmo.” A nice addition to my morning coffee. Reading “Cosmo” at 7am is a silly notion. I don’t quite care to be reminded that the most action I’ve gotten in months, has been a hug. I saw an entire article on 10 different sexy ways to paint your nails. I’m not a “nails” person. I get bored shitless in salons. Hell, I get bored painting my own nails. But my god that article was awesome. Damn you “Cosmo.” Now its 8:00am. I want a boyfriend and I want cute jewels on my nails. Shit.

I haven’t worn a pair of ripped jeans in a week. I don’t feel like myself. I don’t think that I ever thought that I would identify with a pair of ripped jeans, but damn…it just screams ‘Me.’ A mess. I’m a mess. I’ll never be the girl with the perfect hairdo. I’ll never spend more than 10 minutes on my makeup. I’m just not that kind of girl. I don’t think I’m frumpy. But who the heck knows…maybe I am. Here’s an idea of ‘me.’ I would go barefoot the rest of my life if it were allowed. I picture my wedding day as me holding a bouquet of daisies and standing on a hill somewhere far away. I actually LOVE it when my hair gets wild and knotted up. I don’t like wearing makeup. Sure, its fun if I’m in a show or for special occasions, but jeez, I could honestly be fine if I never wore it again. 

I’m bored. I should put on some makeup.


I’ve recently brought instant netflix back into my life. Instant netflix has made my A.D.D. even worse. I get too excited about everything. The other day, I watched 20 minutes of “Paranormal Activity 2,” 10 minutes of “The Wonder Years,” 6 minutes of “The Vampire Diaries,” 5 minutes of “Hello Dolly” and 2 minutes of “Valley of the Dolls.” I can’t seem to focus. I’m the same way in life. I’m ridiculous. In 5 minutes I’ll decide the following: I want to travel the world. Move to New York. Take a tap dancing class. Read a play. Tech a play. Move out of the country.

Its not really that silly, though. Its all doable.

I was watching “Shall We Dance” last night. It was during the last scene of the movie where J-Lo throws a going away party…that I realized…I’m kind of a loner. I was introverted as a kid and no matter how much I open up, I believe a part of that has stuck with me. I used to party like hell and drink my way through most social situations. At that time, I honestly thought that I was an extrovert. The truth is, I was an introvert disguised as an introvert. I don’t drink half as much as I used to. And…well…I’m just not that social. I think I’m missing part of the “human” element. I don’t go out a lot. I usually blame it on money, but maybe thats not even it. I really think I’m just a loner by choice. I don’t get attached to people. On the same note, I don’t expect people to get attached to me. When people do get attached to me, it completely throws me off. I never expect it. There’s only a handful of people I talk to regularly. I don’t keep people in my life who are assholes. It sounds simple enough, right? Its not though. Think about the assholes in your life that you might’ve kept around. Whether you dated them, worked with them, were friends with them…everyone has an asshole. I’m in the process of trying to wipe out the negative things and people from my life. I finally realized what makes me happiest, and I’m sacrificing a lot to make it happen. You might not understand the choices I make. You might want to make fun of the choices that I’m making…but for me, its just a bunch of stepping stones to get to the place I want to be. As life gets harder, it also gets easier. It takes hard times in life to slap you upside the head and make you realize what you want out of life. When you finally hit that “a-ha!” moment, its all downhill from there. Its easier to make choices that will push you forward. Its easier to take a chance. I’m really excited for a new gig I have coming up this week. I’m working backstage on “La Boheme” this week. I’ve never seen an opera in my life. And now I get to work on one, and there’s someone willing to pay me to do so…and trust me…in the theatre world…that’s hard to come by. Take chances. Make an ass of yourself. I think my coffee just kicked in…


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