The ‘Pan’ Problem…

In Sexy Nerd., Uncategorized on December 5, 2011 at 3:36 am

I have a problem.

This I know.

Not only am I aware that I have this problem, but most people who know me for more than 10 minutes know that I have this problem.

I’m without a doubt obsessed with Peter Pan. Its been this way since I was a kid. It started off with the Mary Martin version of Pan. I watched the movie until the tape went bad. Then my dad took me to the theatre to see Hook  when it first opened. I was filled with joy and confusion. Joy because the movie was pure magic, and confusion because..well…why the hell did Jack and Maggie get to win the parental lottery? Pan as their father? C’mon! So not fair!!

Of course I knew that my dad was way cooler than Peter Pan…afterall, he was the one who sat me down when I was a kid and pretty much said, “You are my daughter, so you will watch these movies and we will discuss how you feel about them afterwards.”

He was talking about Star Wars…So yeah..my dad is very cool.

I’ve seen Peter Pan performed on stage, and last year, I even had the opportunity to be in the show. Helloooo primary indian dancer/Old Lady Wendy Darling. I was in heaven. If you ever have the chance to be in that show…take it…I swear I’d perform it til the end of time.

Moving on…Disney Peter Pan? Love it. Cathy Rigby is Peter Pan? LOVE IT. Even the darker version of Pan with Jeremy Sumpter (even though he was awful it was still lovely) was amazing. Finding Neverland? Brilliant. Anything PAN related is something I’ll most likely fall in love with. Hell, my ex-boyfriend was a Pan…no joke. I’m that pathetic/AWESOME.

So when I found out that SYFY was putting out a special Neverland mini-series, I was signed on.

Nothing could scare me away from it…not the word “prequel” or even the words “Tinkerbell voiced by Keira Knightly.” I was signed on. So there I sat in the living room on premiere night, watching my show. I was shocked at my openness toward a complete retelling of a story that I held so dear to my heart. I didn’t even care that Peter Pan was arriving at Neverland through an orbit. I didn’t care that Hook and Pan were once good friends. I was excited to see what new take the writers would have on this story. Afterall, the Pan characters are no longer copyright protected by the Great Ormond Children’s Hospital in London. This gives people the freedom to re-imagine the tale of individual characters and I was stoked to see what would happen…especially after the success of “Peter Pan and the Starcatchers”…which by the way is heading to Broadway under Disney Theatrical Productions.

The result was bad…

First off, I can overlook the fact that Tinkerbell has a voice. She’s supposed to be a ball of light with a quirky personality who uses facial expressions/jingle sounds etc. to communicate. But yes, I can still turn a blind-eye to all of that.

What I can’t turn a blind eye to, is Tinkerbell looking like she’s wrapped from head to toe in tin foil. It was like a dropout over at the Arts Institute wanted to seek revenge on a professor and created the damn fairy out of a drunken rage the night before getting suspended from school. It looked awful.

Bob Hoskins as Smee. It was half the reason I was so damn excited to watch the show. I mean, c’mon…he was Smee in Hook. It was a great idea. Upon his first entrance (and granted, I was bored shit-less by this point), there was no sparkle…sorry Hoskins…something was missing.

Charlie Rowe as Peter Pan. (This is my attempt at saying something positive) I approve. He was adorable. You take one look at him and think, “Well duh. He completely looks like Peter Pan. He’s tortured one minute and carefree the next. Great choice. And he holds his own and steals the scene from some of the more established actors. Unfortunately, he’s not enough to save Neverland from the dreadful special effects/CGI/etc…

I didn’t know that Neverland was supposed to look like a science project created out of styrofoam by a 2nd grader. It just looked bad. I felt like I was watching one of those poorly made science tv shows that looks so awful that you initially make fun of it, but then 15 years down the road, you find yourself celebrating it at comicon.

Next…the writing…Peter Pan and all of its characters have stood the test of time because J.M. Barrie’s original text was…lets face it…genius. It was witty, clever, analytical and so far ahead of its time. The characters in the Syfy version of Neverland are not quick-witted or even interesting. They have nothing of interest to say and they don’t stand out. It would seem like a show like this would stand on its own with little effort. Pirates. Indians. Lost Boys. Peter Pan. The truth is, you only cared about these characters because they all have genuine fears/desires/passions. And they all have something important that they need to say. Without any of this, you don’t have anything. And can I just say, worst casting of the Lost Boys ever…can someone pull the kids from “Hook” back out of retirement and bring them back? I swear, Charlie Korsmo (Jack) still looks exactly the same…they could pull it off.

Bottom-line…It was missing the magic. You can have a show about a magical place, but unless you connect with all of the elements that made it magical to begin with, you got nothing…Sorry Syfy…maybe next time…

  1. sci-fy channel is simply notorious for it’s horrible special effects.
    i shall now lower my expectations when i find the time to watch it. 😦

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