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Archive for May, 2011|Monthly archive page

Blog Battle #4: Battle of the Disney Princes

In BLOG BATTLE on May 25, 2011 at 12:46 am

Alright kids…it’s time for Blog Battle #4. Last time J-Rae and I battled, we fought for the honor of our favorite Disney Princess. My choice? Ariel. Her choice? Rapunzel.     

This time around, we’re battling it out for the honor of the Disney Prince…because let’s face it, what’s the main reason you ever start watching those Disney flicks as a kid? For the prince…so here we go

First off…let me go through the princes I’m definitely NOT picking….

 Snow White’s Prince: Homeboy is hella handsome…but does he ever really do anything? No. He bumps into Snow White and thinks she’s pretty, and they sing a little ditty by a wishing well…then later on in the story, he gives her a kiss and saves the day. If there are any princes in training who get scared shitless in the face of danger, this is the princeliness to aspire to…

Ones I would like to pick but can’t because well….they’re not princes….

1) Peter Pan- A guy who can fly…Fly people. I mean, done and done…this would be the winner. Plus, he doesn’t wear clothes…he wears leaves…and he doesn’t want to grow up, and frankly, neither do I, so in a sense, we’re perfect for each other. And whenever I want to see him, he’ll simply fly to my bedroom window to retrieve me…talk about convenience.

2) Flynn Rider-Handsome, goatee and he’s definitely the bad boy on the outside, with the heart of a nerd. Yessir, he’s the dream boat of the bunch…and he’ll let his woman fight her own battles. Go Flynn…you or Pan would be my prince…but alas…

And the winner is…..

PRINCE PHILLIP

Oh Prince Phillip…it was a close call between you, Eric and Aladdin…here’s why you won. We understand that you were destined from birth to marry Aurora, but yet you still took the time to get to know her…i.e, your awesome dance scene in the forest. Another reason why you won, you can dance. And you’re a great dresser. AND you wear a frickin’ cape. You’re practically a super hero. In fact, you are kind of a super hero. While Aurora decided to sleep her way through the most thrilling part of her movie, you went ahead and slayed the dragon and took on Malificent…a villain so badass that they’re making a new live-action film in her honor. Oh Prince Phillip, you are one handsome beast…and you’re fierce with a sword and shield…and well…you had me with that cape. My inner Lois Lane will always swoon for you. 

Be sure to check out my opponent’s Blog Battle at: http://lilraecakes.tumblr.com/post/5795505097/blogbattleround4 

Also, wanna meet the girl behind the awesome blog? J-Rae will be celebrating the 1-year anniversary of her Lil Rae Cakes this Saturday at Sweet Harts in Sherman Oaks. FREE Event. Deets available at: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=162194523836910

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Blog Battle #3: Battle of the Disney Princesses

In BLOG BATTLE on May 15, 2011 at 3:41 am

That’s right kids…time for BLOG BATTLE #3: JRAE VS. JENKO

Topic: Battle of the Disney Princesses. 

If you had to pick one princess who outshines the rest…who would you pick?

My choice is none other than Ariel…

To start off this particular blog battle, lets take a look at the super awesome reasons to adore all the other princesses.

And no…I’m not gonna mention every princess. If you’re a fan of “Mulan” or “Princess and the Frog”…sorry…I’m just kicking it oldskool…aka…princess movies that were playing when I was still a kid…So here we go.

Snow White: Let’s face it…I’m probably the most similar to her…we’re both pale, and we’re both sporting the bob. She gets to live with 7 little men and spends her time singing to inanimate objects as well as animals. Her biggest worry in life is being too pretty, because people want her dead for this very reason…Why didn’t I pick Snow White? She didn’t really accomplish anything…she was forced to run away…it wasn’t a choice she made on her own. Her biggest accomplish was teaching people the highlights of using soap.

Cinderella: She gets a fairy god-mother, and a pumpkin that turns into a fabulous coach. Not only is she saving up the ass on car insurance, but her pets sew her clothes for her…while mine merely stink up the litter box. So why didn’t I pick Cindy? She gets pitied for having to do chores…big deal…I have to pay bills…grow up Cindy. Also, she gets to lie to beautiful men about why she can’t stay out late, and they still go chasing after her.

Jasmine: Strong, independent and she can pull off a bare midriff. She gets mad props for not wanting to follow protocol and get married just because she’s “supposed” to….why didn’t she get it? Because Aladdin is hot…and she originally turned him down…silly girl.

Belle: It would seem like Belle would be the obvious choice. She’s intelligent, witty and not willing to jump into a relationship with the town douche-bag. However, she forms friendships with talking tupperware and she has a strong belief that she can change a man. Silly Belle…accept the Beast for who he is…he’s bitter…get off your high horse.

Aurora: Homegirl rocks. Her hair rocks. She has not 1…not 2…but 3 fairies watching out for her. She gets to waltz with a prince in the forest…and in the midst of all the chaos, she gets to take a nap. Why not Aurora? She was incapable of taking care of herself…she simply turned everything around her into a hot mess. Props for getting a hot makeout sesh to wake you up…You go girl.

THE WINNER IS:

ARIEL.

Sure, there are numerous reasons why Ariel should not win the title…She gives up some sick fins and an awesome voice just to be on dry land. She ditches her family and friends for the idea of a “better life,” and who the hell knows if it’ll actually be “better?” But here’s why I love Ariel…I loved her since I was a little kid. In fact, I had the fish netting hanging all over my room filled with dingelhoppers. Ariel knows what she wants outta life and she goes for it…she might not know exactly what she’s getting herself into, but she’s brave enough to take the chance. She’s not afraid to ditch something normal to try something different. Plus, lets face it…she has GREAT taste in men. Eric is definitely in the top 3 group of hot disney princes…the other two are definitely Aladdin and Philip. She’s goofy, curious and downright quirky. Congratulations Ariel. You’re not without your flaws, but you’re still frickin’ rad.

Be sure to check out J.Rae’s blog at: http://lilraecakes.tumblr.com/post/5501834397/blogbattleround3

I live my life inside of an Elton John song…

In Uncategorized on May 12, 2011 at 5:31 am

When I look back on my childhood, there are very significant memories that I associate with each of my family members. When I look back on my childhood memories of my mother, these are the memories that always come to mind…

1) The fact that my mom loved Disneyland just as much as I did, and that she would let me ditch school so that she could take me.

2) The way my mom would sing “You are my sunshine” to me at bedtime.

3) Listening to Elton John songs with my mom in the car…

Memory #3 was an interesting one. My mom is a huge Elton John fan. As a kid, I learned the lyrics to every Elton John song simply through osmosis….and I loved it. I didn’t understand what the hell I was singing about, but I loved the music. I loved knowing the lyrics. I loved belting out words that so many people cherished.

Elton John was my first concert. I was my mom’s date. I requested that I get my hair sprayed neon purple for the occasion. I don’t know why that was important to me, but it was. When I learned how to play piano at the age of 6, one of my first song books that I wanted was an Elton John song book….which ended up sitting inside of a piano bench for years until I progressed enough to actually be able to play anything in it.

Now I’m 26…

I was listening to KOST “easy listening” the other day, and “Your Song” came on…followed by “Don’t Go Breakin’ My Heart.” Nostalgia flowed through my veins…it felt more amazing than 10 red bulls at a dance party in the 60’s. I ran home to listen to other Elton John songs…to rediscover my childhood…to actually pay attention to the lyrics…

What I discovered was incredible…I’m living my life inside of an Elton John song….

When I was a little kid, my parents always told me that I would be a writer….I didn’t want my life to be that simple…I wanted to try different things…experience different things…take the wrong path once in awhile…or 10 times in awhile…

Hey kids, plug into the faithless

maybe they’re blinded

but Bennie makes them ageless

we shall survive, let us take ourselves along

where we fight our parents out in the streets

to find who’s right and who’s wrong

And I was wrong…most of the time.

I’m ok with that. I’m the kid who is a repeat offender when it comes to making mistakes. I never get it right the first time. I like making mistakes. I genuinely love it. I love being rowdy. I love being carefree. I figure I only live once.

Don’t give us none of your aggravation

We had it with your discipline

Saturday night’s alright for fighting

Get a little action in

Get about as oiled as a diesel train

gonna set this dance alight

Cause saturday night’s the night I like

Saturday night’s alright

Sometimes, you can make the majority of your mistakes at a local bar…sometimes….you make mistakes in matters of love…or do you? Is it ever really a mistake? Even if we know its a mistake going into it? Absolutely nothing replaces that feeling you first feel once you allow yourself to feel….

So excuse me forgetting, but these things I do

You see I’ve forgotten if they’re green or they’re blue

Anyway the thing is what I really mean

Yours are the sweetest eyes I’ve ever seen…

Sometimes, you try everything you want to try…you spread your wings and figure yourself out…and what you end up figuring out..is that you might’ve found happiness doing the one thing that your parents knew you’d be happy doing…back when you were a kid, and they’d watch you write your stories on a little piece of paper…and they’d stand in the doorway grinning…knowing that even as a kid, you figured out what you loved… I think my parents always knew I’d come back to writing. I think they always knew that I’d have to go out into the world and figure things out…but I think they knew in the end, I’d be back at a table writing my little stories down for someone…anyone…to read…

So goodbye yellow brick road

where the dogs of society howl

you can’t plant me in your penthouse

i’m going back to my plough

back to the howling old owls in the woods

hunting the horny back toad

oh i’ve finally decided my future lies

beyond the yellow brick road

I stumbled upon one of my favorite Elton John songs…its a LONG one…but worth a listen…Also…I FINALLY posted the website for the play I wrote, “Princes Don’t Live in Cyberland”…be sure to check out the site: www.onceuponareality.com

Princes Don’t Live in Cyberland…

In Uncategorized on May 8, 2011 at 7:51 pm

Good news kids…the website for PRINCES DON’T LIVE IN CYBERLAND is finally published. Check out the site to learn about the story and the cast!

http://www.onceuponareality.com

3 month anniversary

In Uncategorized on May 6, 2011 at 4:46 pm

Hey party people.

So today marks the 3-month anniversary of Once Upon Reality Production’s  BLOG. Along the way, its nabbed a few subscribers, endured a couple Battle Blogs, and got itself featured on The Absolute Tits. The blog is also just around the corner from getting ahold of 1,000 hits. To celebrate the 3-month anniversary, check out the blog that gained quite a large response….: https://onceuponarealityproductions.wordpress.com/2011/03/08/the-clark-kent-complex/

Also, feel free to subscribe so you don’t have to facebook stalk my wall for upcoming posts. Have a day that would make cotton candy sing.

peace.

oh no! The planter swallowed the ring!

In Uncategorized on May 6, 2011 at 6:21 am

I got off work early the other night, and decided to kill some time in downtown Burbank so that traffic could die down a bit.

I wound up at Barney’s Beanery, sitting on the patio enjoying some really good conversation and probably the best bagels and lox platter I’ve ever had.

So I’m wrapped up in conversation, and have somehow managed to tune out the table radios blasting sports stats at every booth in my vicinity…when outta the blue, something catches my attention.

There’s a couple digging through the planters that are lining the patio at Barney’s. 

I’m intrigued by them, because 1) this sort of activity seems to be routine for them…

I mean, really…how is it routine to be searching through the planters at Barney’s? At this point, Happy Hour was almost over so I figured maybe they had pounded a few cheap beers and decided this would be a fun game….but something seemed different…

The table next to us took an interest and asked what was going on…

The couple responded by saying that they had eaten at Barney’s on the patio the night before and got into a huge argument….The argument ended with the girl removing her engagement ring and chucking it toward the planters…

So now here they are…the day after the fight… desperately digging through the planters trying to find the ring.

My instinct was to laugh.

I know.

I’m a rotten human being.

But it was something out of a well-written sitcom.

My day was filled with work and chilling at a restaurant…Their day started off with the conversation, “Well honey, lets head on over to Barney’s again and see if we can find that damn ring.”

Then I felt extremely sad. All in one fucking moment.

Did it matter at this point if they found the ring or not? What had they fought over? Was it something silly? Did she perhaps drink her peach martini a little too quickly and got a little overly dramatic?

I guess what I’m saying is…what happens after they find this ring? It doesn’t delete the fight. I hope that its something they’re able to look back on and have a good laugh. I really do. I don’t even know these people but I think there’s too much damn divorce in the world….

So…to the people looking for your ring, I hope you find it….and if you don’t, I hope you find the solution to whatever you fought over, because to be honest, that is the real thing you want to find.

Dear Planter People:

I hope that you’re entertaining scene at Barney’s was just a fun chapter in the romantic comedy that is your life. Maybe the ring rolled into the street and if it did, who gives a shit. What’s important, is you casually entertained the patio people on that hot early summer day during happy hour, and you did it with grace and with a damn good sense of humor, might I add. You also reminded a girl who likes to travel through life alone, that sometimes when the shit hits the fan…those are the times when you can have the most amount of fun. Thank you planter people…I actually found your ring and pocketed it…it was gorgeous. KIDDING.

-Me.

Good night moon and stars.