onceuponarealityproductions

Blog Battle #1: Customized Boyfriend.

In BLOG BATTLE on April 30, 2011 at 4:54 am

So…how did the Blog Battle begin? Simple, really. I’ve been trying to blog everyday, and one day (today), I ran out of topics. Miss JRae used to work with me at Radio Disney, and she’s also been working on a super sick blog…so I wrote to her today saying, “Help! I’m out of topics and not feeling too creative.”…

And then came the birth of the awesome Blog Battle baby.

Topic #1: If you could customize your boyfriend online and have him shipped to you in 48 hours, what would he be like?

To read my response, its simple really…keep reading, and you’ll find it in this post…to read JRae’s post, simply visit her blog at: http://lilraecakes.tumblr.com/post/5062122933/blogbattleround1

I have a feeling that somewhere in the universe, there is an English teacher beaming at the fact that on a friday night, two awesome chicks such as ourselves are sitting at home battling it out in a literary sense, rather than downing shots at the local dive.

Anyway, I’m off topic.

My customized boyfriend….would look a little something like this…

First off, my customized boyfriend will be arriving in 48 hours…not in 4 years when my maternal clock is ticking so frickin’ fast that tiny babies everywhere will have to run before I try to adopt them all….

So with this said, the guy I would order online wouldn’t necessarily have to have his shit together…yet.

It just needs to be someone who could temporarily make me happy. I’m looking for a normal guy. Go ahead and laugh..I’m doing just the same. I’ve never wanted a normal guy. Normal guys are dull. They always say what’s “safe.”

I guess when I say “normal,” I mean I’d like someone whose normal relative to what I consider normal…

For example…if you consider “normal” to be staying up til the wee hours of the morning eating animal fries and watching a god-awful horror flick and loving it…to me…YOU are normal. 

Looks wise, I’m kind of picky…if you’re waaaay too handsome, I’m not going to order you. If you’re blonde, I most likely won’t order you. My order either needs to be tall dark and handsome, or a completely nerdy looking guy…if glasses come as an accessory, I’m ok with that.

For my online purchase, I refuse to order the guy who say, “Don’t worry, I’m a nice guy” every time you pull the string coming out of their back.

In my experience, guys who admit to being a nice guy are the polar opposite…they’re usually a steamy pile of douche.

I might order the guy whose warning label reads, “You will make some of the worst mistakes with me, but I guarantee I will give you a fantastic story or two to tell your girlfriends.”

Let’s face it…those ones are worth the time.

I won’t  however waste my time if your warning label reads, “Pretentious, rude, unkind, cheater, I will never fully accept who you are and I will always try to change you.” Any of the above is not worth my time.

Last but not least, I’m extremely laid-back. Practically to a fault. The online boyfriend that I would order would have to be the same. I need someone who can handle my sarcasm and throw it back at me. Someone who appreciates my flaws more than my strengths. Someone who doesn’t think to point out the things that are wrong with me, because those are the things that drew him to me to begin with.

Also, I would leave as a side-note on my order that I’m a SUCKER for daisies and daffodils. Roses are ok, but hot damn…the “happy flower family” gets me every time.

I would also note that I’m NOT a sucker for anything too cheesy. It’s not my style. To me, romance is remembering to add a shot of espresso to my coffee, not taking me out to an expensive restaurant.

And this concludes the end of BLOG BATTLE #1: JRAE VS. JENKO.

Topic #2 will post tomorrow…check back for upcoming battles..

G’night moon. G’night stars. 

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