No, I would not trade places with Kate.

In Rants on April 28, 2011 at 4:25 am

I had the good fortune of having not 1, but TWO days off in a row. I spent half of Day off numero uno running errands, and the 2nd half zoning out in front of BBC America watching “The wedding countdown/history of/future of/something or other wedding glory bonanza that is Prince William and Miss Kate.

Its the same story you hear about in the movies.

The normal girl who is also abnormally fabulous and fashionable and let me emphasize NORMAL…somehow swoops in and lands the world’s most eligible bachelor.

Girls are raised being called a princess. We are raised to be looking for a man who will treat us like a princess…so it would seem as if lil miss Kate has won the fucking jackpot.

She will be called a princess by occupation, and she has found a man who by birth will also treat her like a princess…

So here’s the question…would I trade places with Kate?

The answer is…hell no.

While I zoned out during the wedding documentary of “The World’s cutest/luckiest couple,” a couple disturbing phrases continued to resurface.

The reporters kept describing Kate and why she was such a good match for William…however…the typical things you would want to hear about yourself like, “They’re chemistry is undeniable”…or….”She’s simply ape-shit over the man”, were phrases that were never uttered.

Kate was repeatedly described as the following:

Well-mannered. Well-behaved. Poised. Well-spoken. A perfect match for royalty. A perfect match for the public eye.

Here’s the thing…I don’t know Kate. Maybe deep-down, she’s silly, quirky and loves to have farting contests…but it doesn’t matter who she really is…because the real person she is has to be watered down for the general public.


I would not trade places with Kate.

I like the fact that I’m allowed to snort when I laugh. I like wearing shirts that say things like, “Hold Hands Not Grudges.” I like being the retard at your local bar. I like biting my nails. I like purposely not using hand sanitizer, because I believe cooties to be thrilling. I like laughing loud. Being loud. Being inappropriate. Saying things you shouldn’t say just because its fun to say them. I like eating food that’s bad for you. I like jay-walking. I like looking like an idiot some of the time. All the time.

Plus, I wouldn’t trade places with Kate…because I’m holding out for Harry. He’s way more my type.

I guess the moral of this fairy tale story, is be you. A princess ain’t the chick sitting on a throne somewhere. The princess is the one dancing down the street because life is good and she doesn’t give a shit what people think. 


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