My new super power: Eating like its going outta style

In Rants on April 21, 2011 at 6:12 am




Remember to wear a bra.

apartment hunt.


Crap, did I brush my teeth?

My life looks like this. Everything I own is in boxes, and today I was so over apartment hunting, that I was ready to sign the lease for a dumpy apartment I went to see this morning….half the cars in the parking lot were smashed/banged up…When I asked the property manager when the last tenant moved out and he replied, “A while ago” (yet there was still dirt/scum/spots everywhere and things that needed to be repainted)…I STILL was ready to fill out an application.

I think I have a new super power: Stress Eating.

I’m a huge fan of food.

But I’ve never been a stress eater…quite the opposite actually. Usually when I’m stressed, I completely forget to eat. I’ll go an entire day on one meal, and my body literally forgets to tell me its hungry…OR my brain is so completely on overload that if my body tries to say, “Please, sir…can you spare a sandwich?”

My body full blown bitch slaps itself and screams, “No. Your owner is preoccupied today. Get over yourself.”

I think today was the first day of this new super power…stress eating. And I only call it a super power, because I took it a little too far…

Tonight, my dinner consisted of:

1 McDouble

2 McDonald’s pies

1 bowl o’ pasta

1 plate of asparagus

chips and guac

1/2 box wheat thins

I’m not embarrassed. Or even concerned. I’m just trying to figure out how the hell it happened. It felt like a feat of strength. I could’ve seriously kept going. If my stomach was begging me to stop, then I didn’t even hear it weep.

On a more positive note, I’ve rediscovered my love of the Magic Castle. Shout-out goes to Cat for letting me tag-along. That place can seriously take a shitty day, and put a fat band-aid on it. I adore that place. I adore the fact that there is a place where I can get dressed up, and hold a dirty martini in my hand, and actually feel like a grownup. A place where magic tricks is the thing turning people on…rather than bump n’ grinding nonsense and pickup lines that fall flat. The castle feels like one of those places where you can get pulled into a back room, and see unspeakable things…then you end up signing a contract that you won’t share what you saw with the rest of the world. It feels like a secret society. Kinda like Hostel 2, minus the killing part.

On a nerd note, I finally saw Hook on the big-screen for the 1st time in my adult-life…I think I was 5 last time I saw it in theaters. Such a fun night! I went as slutty Jack.

Don’t judge. Spent the night crowing at the screen, screaming that tink was a homewrecker and spatting out lines along with the audience. It was insanely awesome. To top it off, I got a hug from Rufio. Btw, he gave a hysterical Q n’ A before the show. For info on more nerdy screenings at midnight, visit: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Nerds-Like-Us/121943994494325. They’re gonna be screening Animal House next. Alright kids, I need a nap.


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