onceuponarealityproductions

imagination.

In Adventures with Jenko on March 18, 2011 at 6:27 am

I was always one of those kids who let their imagination run wild.

Most of this madness was encouraged by my grandmother. She always told me to listen to a song. Sing a song. Write something. Play an instrument. Act out a scene. Do something. Anything.

So I did.

As a kid, I believed in just about everything.

I believed that I had magical powers.

I believed that I could control the speed of the wind by placing my arms over my head.

I believed that I was a circus acrobat, and I would hang upside down from a balance beam in my grandma’s backyard while blasting the musical genius of John Philip Sousa. I believed that I was an acrobat so much so, that one day…I just decided to release my legs while hanging upside down. I actually trusted that I could plummet head first to the ground and be ok.

I believed that if I threw mud at a brick wall, that that meant that it would magically turn into chocolate chip cookies.

I believed that I could control the speed of the car while my mom was driving…simply by pulling on the passenger door handle.

As I got older…I’d like to say that my imagination toned it down a bit…but I think it got worse…

As an adult, I sometimes believe that credit cards are refillable gift cards. Maxing out a credit card doesn’t make me nervous…it just makes me look forward to the monthly payment, so that I’ve added more to the balance that I get to spend.

I don’t know if I believe in “God.”…

however

I do believe that there is something out there watching over me…and in my case…its a woodland tree fairy who lives on a little perch in a forest. And trust me, she does a damn good job of watching out for me. And by the way, she has the best damn fairy weave you’ve ever seen.

Snap.

I’m absolutely mortified to share this tid bit…but here we go…

When I was 19 or 20, I was dating this guy I was completely head over heels for. We dated a little bit, but bottom-line…he wasn’t interested.

26-year old me would’ve been ok with that info.

20-year old me however…was a hot mess…I actually remember having this internal monologue the moment he told me that he didn’t want to date me anymore:

Alright, Erika. Its ok. You got this. If you cry your face off at this very moment, he’ll feel sorry for you. And if he feels sorry enough for you, he’ll realize that he’s crazy about you, and he’ll give you a bear hug and you guys will get together…And it’ll happen the way it does in the movies. Ready. Set. Cry.”

I wish I could tell you I was kidding.

But I wasn’t.

Those are the thoughts I had…and at that moment, I cried like the biggest pansy you’ve ever met.

I remember him looking at me and trying not to laugh.

I hit pathetic.

Completely.

Adult me also believes that I can cry my way out of speeding tickets.

Not true.

Adult me believes that if I scream at a bad driver on the freeway with my windows pulled up, that he’ll clearly be able to hear me…take it in…and instantly become a better driver.

Adult me believes that people are good….so when I meet a genuine asshole, it completely throws me off.

Adult me believes that sleep fixes everything that is wrong in the world.

Adult me believes that if something doesn’t work out with me and a guy, that it has everything to do with the fact that I wasn’t persistent enough……This is honestly something that I need to work on….I think I scare people off.

Adult me believes that I have super powers. Adult me believes that I can make mistakes, and somehow pull it together in the end. Adult me believes that I’m an idiot sometimes. That I’m silly. That I’m loud. That I’m broken. That I’m confusing. That I’m scattered. That I’m A.D.D.

That I’m ok.

And no matter what.

No matter how silly the things are that I tend to believe in….

no matter how silly the things that I choose to do…

One thing hasn’t changed…I believe in myself.

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