The infamous “can’t sleep” ramble.

In Rants on March 12, 2011 at 8:21 am

I can’t sleep.

Can’t fucking sleep.

Pardon my french. But at midnight I’m allowed a curse or two, correct?

I’m not even angry.

I just fucking love that word.

Especially at midnight. When I can’t sleep.

I’m dead tired by the way. I should’ve passed out within a couple minutes, but my brain is full of garbage. I considered sitting on my bed and talking to myself until the thoughts that consumed me magically went away…but to avoid seeming psychotic at this late hour..I’ll blog instead.

Perhaps this will provide late night entertainment to some of you stumbling in from the bars….


1) I started watching “Thelma & Louise” today for the first time…I wanted it to be fantastic…I really did…and I wasn’t feeling it…and I lOVE susan sarandon…and I feel guilty for not loving it. I shouldn’t care…I really shouldn’t…but I care….the image of my film theory textbook from college is haunting me. It is screaming: You’re supposed to lOVE this you dumbass

And I don’t.

love it.

2) I realized today that I feel slightly guilty when I’m successful with certain things in my life. That’s not good. Now I’m acutely aware that I believe that I don’t deserve to be in love or successful.

Jesus. Cry me a river. Currently smashing itty bitty violin over the symbolic concrete of life.

3) I’m a total hippie. I tried to put a bra on before the show tonight and I couldn’t figure it out. Why are bras required????

I have NOTHING to fill them anyway. Can we agree they aren’t necessary and move on?? It would save me approximately 2 minutes a day of dancing the retarded “I can’t put my bra on” tango.

4) My nose is stuffy. I’ve had a cold all week, and the cold went away. It was replaced with allergies. I tried to fix the problem with Dayquil…it’s a cure-all…right?

5) My eyelids turned orange today. I’ve seen 4 eye doctors in the past year. 3 of them told me “its allergies.” 1 told me: Its corneal dystrophy.

I like the corneal dystrophy one because it sounds cool and important.

Regardless, my eyes look retarded.

And orange.

Which is weird.

6) I gave an interesting show tonight. During my final “tell off the main character” speech, I had a moment where I wanted to break into song. …

but it wasn’t a moment…

These thoughts kept going through my head: “Sing. Do it. Just sing. Sing about thermometers or something. You’re a nurse. Sing the damn monologue.”

I literally stepped out of my body, and I don’t know where the hell I went.

7) I should workout. I should stop being a gym hater and workout. I’ll pay the price at some point. Karma will bite me in the ass, and every time I’ve bragged that I can eat whatever I want is going to get me…someday…hopefully not tomorrow though because I’m still craving pizza….

8) Which I’m not supposed to eat.

Stupid stupid stupid wheat allergy.

…I ate pasta for dinner. I feel like it didn’t even digest. I feel like it went half-way down my stomach and stopped. I’m still STARVING.

9) Great, now I’m even more awake.

10) My mom’s dog looks like an ewok. It is awesome.

11) She really does. I swear.

12) Why the hell am I numbering this list?

13) My hands are freakishly small.



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