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Archive for March, 2011|Monthly archive page

Adventures in Real Estate and the ways in which I suck at it.

In Sexy Nerd. on March 29, 2011 at 6:25 am

I’ve been waiting for today for awhile.

The day when I could honestly say that I felt like I was financially set to move, and had the right jobs lined up. So I woke up, and drove my ass out to the Valley to go apartment hunting before my shift at Conan later in the evening.

I had to do the buddy system while apt. hunting. Shout out goes to Trish. I’ve been told that I pick out apartments like its a T-shirt at Target. I do it quickly and I don’t try it on…and I’ll go with the first one I see…

So with that said, I took a second opinion with me today.

After calling numerous complexes and realized that most of them lied about the actual cost of the rent/deposit on craigslist, we narrowed it down to two places to actually check out.

On our way to spot #1, I decided to blast the batman theme in my car…and pretend that Short Round was the batmobile…and I don’t know if anyone actually does this but I love it…I choreograph my speed of the car to the music…if it sounds like a part where my car would gun it…my car guns it.

So there we were. Listening to the Batman theme song, and we were getting ready to coast by apartment #1, when the “speed up to awesomeness” part of the music kicked in…so I sped up…and drove past the damn place and wasted my $4/gallon tank trying to turn around behind an old fart at an intersection.

So we finally made it.

To the first studio.

In a 15 unit complex. The studio was built in the 40’s, and when we went in, our jaws dropped to the floor. It was the quirkiest and most inventive place I’ve ever seen. First off, it was tiny. Even for a studio.

But after seeing the place, we realized we couldn’t find a closet anywhere….

until we looked at the wooden wall in the living room with wooden picture frames permanently attached to it…..

The “wall” actually opens up into a fucking closet.

No joke.

I almost peed with giddiness.

It was like the scene outta “Who Framed Roger Rabbit” where the bed folds out of the office wall, and as a kid, you think its the coolest thing you’ve ever seen in your life.

To make it even better, here’s what the bathroom looked like:

I mean, c’mon. The bathroom is a show piece. It is hysterical. I would invite people over just for a good chuckle. P.S, I considered actually using this restroom this morning (I had downed a coffee and water upon entering)…thank god I didn’t…the land lady literally walked in 10 seconds after I said I had to pee.

I went through the studio checking every light switch to see what works and what is a hot mess. ….and that’s when I came across the stove…

Check out the knobs on that thing. I wasn’t even concerned with whether or not it actually worked…I just thought, “no one has a stove like this. I have to have it.” Once again…hilarious.

Saved the best for last…the kitchen was complete with a breakfast bar….however…it came equipped with a wooden roof.

Yes.

A.

frickin.

roof.

I couldn’t get over it. A bar with its own roof. Add some rainbow lights, loud/trendy music, obnoxious cologne, generic t-shirts, and a couple anorexic spray-tanned 15-year olds and ya got yourself a Hollister.

I seriously wanted the studio just for the bar. I mean, what else do you need?

Did I fill out an application?

No.

The deal-breaker was the fact that you don’t get a parking spot…and the only street parking had heavy parking restrictions due to the neighboring school…not to mention the street is crazy busy and I don’t wanna jay walk every morning and wake up at the ass crack of dawn to move Short Round.

Drove past a couple other complexes in shady areas, and the rest of the day felt like an episode of America’s Next Top Model.…You know…the go-see episodes where the models are sent out into the city to meet with various agents…and they never plan their day well, and they spend most of the day in the car getting lost/frustrated…

ya. That was me.

So what did I do to fix this?

Got lost and drove by Mulholland Drive, and thought…

meh..what the heck..

Drove up blasting Superman and stopped to take the following cheesy/tourist/cliche image:

I guess the day was kind of successful. I now know that I can’t live without a breakfast bar with its own roof…and I wouldn’t have known that had I not gone hunting today.

I’m. Screwed.

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it’s. not. fair.

In Sexy Nerd. on March 28, 2011 at 5:01 am

I own two kitties.

And I face endless scrutiny by society for this.

Hearing chants of cat lady in my ear.

Most of the harassment comes from myself. Because I know that its ridiculous to be 26 and single with 2 cats. I’ve decided to embrace it. Being a cat lady is about to get sexy. I hope you all can handle it. It’s not gonna be like, “Oh watch out…there’s crazy cat lady jenko…”

Instead, it’s gonna be…”watch out. It’s crazy cat lady jenko…and she looks hot.”

I’m gonna have to channel Katy Perry on this one. Apparently its Katy’s new goal in life to make the cat lady “cool” again.

Were we ever cool though? I mean, really?

And here’s the deal…

It’s just not fair.

Katy Perry, is…well.

Katy Perry.

She can say that that being a cat lady is sexy, and you’ll believe it.

Meaning, you’ll believe that she is a sexy cat lady. Her cats have cutesy names like Krusty and Kitty Purry or some shit like that.

My cats are 2 awesome strays I adopted, and they’ve been crowned with the names, Eva Donut and Crunch-bite Caboose…however his name consistently grows and its more like “Sir Captain Crunch-bite Caboose” at this point.

I’m grateful for miss perry. Cats are the shit. Maybe she will make it sexy once again. And if not, I guess it all rests in my hands. I will find a way.


sucker punch.

In Movie Reviews on March 25, 2011 at 9:09 pm

I got the opportunity to catch a screening of Sucker Punch before it hit theaters today…and here’s what I thought.

I went into the film knowing visually the movie would look pretty frickin’ cool. Yes, I was intoxicated when I saw 300 so I’m not sure how valid my opinion is, but I remember thinking, “Whoa. This shit looks awesome.”

Now, I loved 300 because it was oozing with half-naked men. Would I still enjoy Sucker Punch? 2 hours of zero eye candy?

It is very clear that Sucker Punch is targeted at the male audience. This is not the film for the tweens who are obsessed with Vanessa Hudgens. Even though this is a girl power film, its really not for lil girls who are looking for role-models to look up to. Primarily because of the obscene amount of violence….which was awesome.

Here’s how I describe Sucker Punch. If a 2 hour music video made love to a graphic novel and banged a video game on the side…you’d have Sucker Punch. The first 10 minutes of the film literally gave me chills. No dialogue mixed with the best soundtrack I’ve heard in awhile. If you’re a soundtrack nerd such as myself, see the movie at least for the music. Here’s a soundtrack sampling below…frickin’ amazing.

I might see the movie again…just for the music. Seriously.

Its the typical Cinderella story. Girl’s parents die. Girl is stuck with evil step-parent. Step-parent locks her up in her room (but this time her “room” is a mental institution). Evil-step parent will convince her that her dreams cannot become a reality…aka…homegirl is gonna get a lobotomy in 5 days. Girl is forced to scrub the floors of the institution, but she occasionally saves the day by threatening the chef so that her buddy doesn’t get raped. The girl dives into her imagination to escape the pain, and happens upon her own fairy god mother…an old dude who tells her she needs 5 objects to escape: A map. Fire. Knife. Key…and something else that she’s gotta figure out on her own because only her heart knows what it is. And in keeping with the cinderella theme, the god mother dude says cheesy things like, “If you can’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.” But all in all, he’s awesome. Rather than singing to the birds, our homegirl BabyDoll has a talent for seductively dancing for the men. And the seductive dancing helps her escape into her imagination where awesome music plays and she blows up robots and an occasional dragon swoops in.

Not gonna lie. It’s a good story. There’s a lot at risk. There are, however, holes in the story. There are characters that aren’t truly developed. But all in all, the idea is fantastic. The way certain fantasies weave in and out are really cool…if you go into it wanting to be entertained…you will.

I adored Emily Browning (Babydoll). But I think I loved her hair and fake eyelashes even more. I had about 10 moments during the film where I wanted to walk out…to go to CVS and by me some fake lashes and look as bad-ass as her. Browning was great in the lead. Very little dialogue, but capable of telling the story through other means. I was indifferent to Hudgens….she’s grown a little bit since her days of High School Musical…but it seemed like she was trying to channel Mimi from her stint at the Hollywood Bowl, rather than the character itself. I was disappointed in Jena Malone. She’s a total bad-ass in every action scene, but as soon as she has to deliver a line it’s waaaay overdone. Things I’ve learned: Malone is great at crying on cue. Still love her though. She kicked ass in Saved.

But then again, this is not the movie that you see for the acting. The action scenes are fantastic. I wanted to sign-up for stunt woman school, buy some fish nets, cake on the eyeliner, and go to a shooting range. I mean seriously. They’re wearing heels in every scene. They’re frickin’ rockstars. I know this movie is aimed at men, but I loved it.

So how do I feel about Zach Snyder directing Superman: Man of Steel?

I think it’ll be cool. Its a great cast, and it’ll be a totally different look. Bring it on.

You say goodbye. I say hello.

In Adventures with Jenko on March 25, 2011 at 8:30 pm

I think its easy to forget the power of saying hello to someone.

The power of holding the elevator for someone.

The power of taking the time to remember someone’s name.

I’m exhausted lately.

Not “i hate my life/what am I doing/routine/bull-shit exhausted.

Its the good kind. The kind where money is going into the bank, and car payments are getting made on time. The kind where I had extra money to upgrade to animal style fries at In N’ Out yesterday, and I felt like the richest frickin’ person on the planet.

But I’m still tired. My body automatically wakes up around 5am at this point…but I need caffeine. And by 9pm, I’m of no use to anyone.

Its easy to get wrapped up in your own life. Your own problems. Because lets face it, aren’t we all the center of our own universe? We are. Its ok to admit that. But once in awhile, look up. Just look up.

I might not be wearing a cape, but when I hold the elevator for someone at the parking structure at work, you’d think I just saved their day. There’s this parking attendant who works the check-in booth at WB. He’s there every day when I leave. I remember him from my first day of work. I was stressed and not even sure if I had parked in the right place, and I remember him telling me not to be nervous and he could tell it was my first day. He helped me out with parking. Now, I see Tino every day as I leave the lot… he even insists that I call him “T.” Whenever I leave, I take the time to roll down the window, and yell good bye to him. It makes my day to know that someone cares if I had a good day. That someone has taken the time to remember who I am, even though tons of people go through that lot every day. As I leave the lot every day, I actually look forward to seeing him on the way out. Its a small slice of regularity in a world that can be a bully…a world that can hit you when you’re down. But the nice people in this mean world…are the ones who make all the difference.


High Flying Adored.

In Adventures with Jenko on March 22, 2011 at 5:41 am

My day went a little something like this…

Waking up throughout the night going into a coughing fit.

Miraculously woke up at 5am to get ready for work.

Pulled myself out of bed.

Sat in rainy-day/change my mind now its sunny/change my mind again now its rainy traffic.

Got to work.

Got through an 8 hour shift at WB on the following sources of caffeine:

2 coffees, 3 shots of espresso and 1 large iced tea.

Clock out.

Jam to McDonalds….I looked my wheat allergy in the face and said the following words:

Suck it up you punk. Today I’m knocking you in the ground. I already failed and ate a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch, and now I plan on eating a snack wrap and 2 apple pies. You’re gonna feel moody, and irritable…and don’t forget the dose of P.m.s. that you’re dealing with this week. So suck it up. I promise I’ll treat you better tomorrow. Or maybe wednesday.

Then I scarfed down McDonald’s, and sat in more traffic as I made my way from Burbank to Rancho Cucamonga for Evita rehearsal.

On this particular show, I’m on the other side of the table. I’m assistant stage manager on the show, and its a perspective that I love to take once in awhile. To see the show from the outside looking in. And today, when I looked in…mind you, I was exhausted, cold, bloated and feeling utterly guilty because I ate so much shit today and I firmly believe that my metabolism that could give the Flash a run for his money…has stopped.

Despite all of this…

I sat back for a minute, and took in the show. Took in the run-thru of a scene that I was seeing for the first time.

I haven’t seen the stage production of Evita before. 3/4 of the music is new to me…and I saw the movie ages ago, so every moment of this show feels like the first time with me.

Anyway…I sat back, and took in the staging of “High Flying Adored.”

And came close to tears.

There are moments in life when you’re exhausted. Moments when you don’t know why the hell you do what you do. Moments when you realize that any sane person would take a vacation or some sort of break. Tonight I sat back and was reminded why I do what I do. Why I don’t take breaks. Why I choose theatre over film/tv. I’ve kept theatre woven into my life since I was a child…and tonight I was reminded why.

It still moves me.

It still takes me away from my reality, and makes me feel something when I think that I don’t have the energy to feel.

To the cast of Evita, you will make people feel again. Everything you are doing is beautiful.

So now its your turn…sit back…close your eyes…and listen to the song that almost made me blubber like a frickin’ child. I’m going to end my day by eating a plate full of chicken nuggets. Go shove it metobolism…I don’t care if you stop completely. I don’t care if I looked like ass in my jeggings today.

Anyway.

Listen.

I choose not to grow up.

In Sexy Nerd. on March 20, 2011 at 10:27 pm

I think every person has seen that one movie that has changed them.

It’s the movie that made you decide that you wanted to go to film school. It’s the movie that made you realize that you should be doing something different with your life. It’s the movie that helped you to see life in a different way.

The movie that I genuinely remember having an impact on me…was Hook.

I went to see the movie in theaters with my Dad. I remember being awe-struck. Completely at a loss for words. I remember leaving the theater and being upset that Jack and Maggie had somehow won the parental lottery. I mean, c’mon…they had Peter Pan as a father.

I have since forgiven my father for not being Pan the Man. However, my dad’s name is Peter…and to make it more weird…my mom’s name is Wendy.

I shit you not.

My parent’s names are Peter and Wendy.

My childhood was filled with relatives calling me Tinkerbell

Which technically makes no sense because Peter and Wendy didn’t give birth to a fairy…I mean c’mon…read the books people.

But still…my parent’s names are Peter and Wendy.

And I’m obsessed with Hook.

It was the first soundtrack that I ever fell in love with. It was the first movie that made me realize that I’m in love with the music of John Williams…even though I technically already knew his music from other movies. I can quote the movie from beginning to end. I can’t actually tell you how many times I’ve seen it. I burned through the DVD…now I’m stuck watching it on instant Netflix. As an adult, its the movie that makes me feel like a kid. The movie that makes me feel like anything is possible. The movie that makes me believe that you can make a shit ton of mistakes, and still somehow…make it through to something better in your life.

When I was 15, I went to the Whiskey A Go Go for the first time. Don’t ask why a 15-year old was at a club…I was just that awesome. I went to go see the band, “Brown Fly Dragons.” The lead vocalist was Dion Basco, and my cousin was friends with him because she worked on a tv show with him…so bottom line…his brother, Dante is there to show him moral support….

Dante…Rufio. He was wearing an all-white suit. He looked like such a bad-ass. And the 15-year old version of myself marched straight up to him and gave him a hug. He looked at me with the oddest expression on his face, and I just said, “I love you. That’s all I wanted to say.” And I walked off.

26-year old me isn’t quite as bold, however I have developed a Peter Pan Complex. I try not to grow up. I try to remember to see the joy in life daily, and not worry about the crap that’ll get me down.  Here’s a toast to one of the best frickin’ movies that I’ve been watching since I was 6 years old….I salute you with the Hook Remix, created by the sweet musical stylings of Pogo. This guy rocks.

The Anti-Goldilocks Dating Guide to Awesomeness.

In Dating. on March 20, 2011 at 3:32 am

We all know the story of Goldilocks.

She likes everything in her life to be…

just right.

She won’t stand for the cold porridge.

Or the hot porridge.

It has to be…

just right.

The chair can’t be too hard..

Or too soft…

It has to be..

just right.

Now, I think it is important to know what you like. So let’s apply the tale of lil miss Goldilocks to dating.

You should know what you like. Its not fair to the dudes out there to date around and “find yourself” as you test drive every guy and see what “type” suits you best.

You know what you like.

And I’m sorry Goldi, but saying you like it “just right” isn’t kosher to me….because let’s be honest, “What exactly constitutes just right?”

If I ran into Goldilocks, I’d pull her aside, and I’d say this.

Look Goldi, not everything in life is meant to be just right. If you want a just right kind of guy, be ready for a life of boredom. Be ready for a guy who plays it safe. Be ready for a guy who will never put himself out there by making a complete fool out of himself….just so that he can get a giggle out of you.

I don’t like my men just right.

I like them hard.

……

Did you pull your mind out of the gutter? Cause mine is still there…

Hell, sometimes I like them soft.

Sometimes hot. And sometimes cold. I like a guy who is so passionate about life and his opinions that he will occasionally piss me off…and make me care more about the world around me. I like guys who are nerdy. Guys who are comfortable enough in their own skin to be themselves…even if being themselves means being quirky…loud…abstract. I like guys shorter than me. I like guys who are way taller than me. I like guys who question themselves…who maybe don’t have everything figured out…who don’t necessarily have a plan…who want to be….

happy.

And let me tell you something Goldi….there are plenty of guys out there who are just right. Guys who will say the right thing even if they don’t mean it…just because its safe. Guys who will say everything that you want to hear because they know you want to hear it. Guys who are afraid to show you who they really are…because if they did, you would realize that they aren’t just right at all. They’re hot. They’re cold. They’re hard. They’re soft.

And that’s ok.

It’s ok to step out of your comfort zone, Goldi.

Ditch that mediocre porridge and sit in the hard chair. Don’t be afraid. You might even like it. You might even be happy.

And that, my friends…

Is the Anti-Goldilocks Dating Guide to Awesomeness.

imagination.

In Adventures with Jenko on March 18, 2011 at 6:27 am

I was always one of those kids who let their imagination run wild.

Most of this madness was encouraged by my grandmother. She always told me to listen to a song. Sing a song. Write something. Play an instrument. Act out a scene. Do something. Anything.

So I did.

As a kid, I believed in just about everything.

I believed that I had magical powers.

I believed that I could control the speed of the wind by placing my arms over my head.

I believed that I was a circus acrobat, and I would hang upside down from a balance beam in my grandma’s backyard while blasting the musical genius of John Philip Sousa. I believed that I was an acrobat so much so, that one day…I just decided to release my legs while hanging upside down. I actually trusted that I could plummet head first to the ground and be ok.

I believed that if I threw mud at a brick wall, that that meant that it would magically turn into chocolate chip cookies.

I believed that I could control the speed of the car while my mom was driving…simply by pulling on the passenger door handle.

As I got older…I’d like to say that my imagination toned it down a bit…but I think it got worse…

As an adult, I sometimes believe that credit cards are refillable gift cards. Maxing out a credit card doesn’t make me nervous…it just makes me look forward to the monthly payment, so that I’ve added more to the balance that I get to spend.

I don’t know if I believe in “God.”…

however

I do believe that there is something out there watching over me…and in my case…its a woodland tree fairy who lives on a little perch in a forest. And trust me, she does a damn good job of watching out for me. And by the way, she has the best damn fairy weave you’ve ever seen.

Snap.

I’m absolutely mortified to share this tid bit…but here we go…

When I was 19 or 20, I was dating this guy I was completely head over heels for. We dated a little bit, but bottom-line…he wasn’t interested.

26-year old me would’ve been ok with that info.

20-year old me however…was a hot mess…I actually remember having this internal monologue the moment he told me that he didn’t want to date me anymore:

Alright, Erika. Its ok. You got this. If you cry your face off at this very moment, he’ll feel sorry for you. And if he feels sorry enough for you, he’ll realize that he’s crazy about you, and he’ll give you a bear hug and you guys will get together…And it’ll happen the way it does in the movies. Ready. Set. Cry.”

I wish I could tell you I was kidding.

But I wasn’t.

Those are the thoughts I had…and at that moment, I cried like the biggest pansy you’ve ever met.

I remember him looking at me and trying not to laugh.

I hit pathetic.

Completely.

Adult me also believes that I can cry my way out of speeding tickets.

Not true.

Adult me believes that if I scream at a bad driver on the freeway with my windows pulled up, that he’ll clearly be able to hear me…take it in…and instantly become a better driver.

Adult me believes that people are good….so when I meet a genuine asshole, it completely throws me off.

Adult me believes that sleep fixes everything that is wrong in the world.

Adult me believes that if something doesn’t work out with me and a guy, that it has everything to do with the fact that I wasn’t persistent enough……This is honestly something that I need to work on….I think I scare people off.

Adult me believes that I have super powers. Adult me believes that I can make mistakes, and somehow pull it together in the end. Adult me believes that I’m an idiot sometimes. That I’m silly. That I’m loud. That I’m broken. That I’m confusing. That I’m scattered. That I’m A.D.D.

That I’m ok.

And no matter what.

No matter how silly the things are that I tend to believe in….

no matter how silly the things that I choose to do…

One thing hasn’t changed…I believe in myself.

I’m such a hippie.

In Rants on March 16, 2011 at 6:14 am

2 days of work in a row, and I’m practically haggard.

But its definitely a good thing…

I’m just sleepy.

Evita has hit the ground running. I got a new job. And my other job is starting to catch its stride once again. The play I wrote is finishing up with the pre-production process.

I love it.

Thank goodness for red lipstick. At the end of a long day when you feel like you look like ass, red lipstick somehow fixes the world.

As does knee-high boots.

Iced tea.

Too much coffee…

And the soundtrack to Hook.

Yes. It was playing during the meeting, and I felt like a frickin’ little kid in a candy store during a blowout sale on Mars in a cartoon movie. It was that good.

My mom did something today that shocked the shit out of me.

She is a serial cell-dialer. She’s the type of person who calls you once…and if you don’t pick up, she refuses to leave a v-mail..she’ll just keep dialing, until either you answer the phone…

or lose your mind…

Suddenly, I look at my phone at some point tonight..and I have 4 missed calls from her…

Did the world explode?

I honestly can’t figure out what the emergency is…

So I text her: At work…you ok?

It turns out, she was buying new bedding from pottery barn…she’s staging all of the rooms in the house before she sells it, and she wanted me to approve some bedding before she buys it…so that I can keep it after the house sells….

And as it turns out…her and my dad have excellent taste.

Kudos mom and dad.

I’m getting ready to go to sleep…

I changed my fb profile photo to something a little more “serious looking.”

me as a padawan back in the day….is it strange that that is the only time you’d catch me with a serious expression?

Note to self: Clean out Short Round. My jeep is a mess. It looks like a homeless person is living inside of it. And i wouldn’t be surprised. I left my windows down today on accident..like a dumb-ass.

P.S….i am shocked at the feat of strength I went through this morning..not sure if that last sentence was gramatically correct.

Don’t really care either.

Anyhoo.

For breakfast, I ordered an oatmeal combo from McDonalds..but I thought I’d still be hungry, so I ordered an extra breakfast sandwich..but they screwed up my order and made the “extra sandwich,” an “extra sandwich combo.” So I sat in my car with 2 combos…and ate BOTH of them.

Fat.

Ass.

G’night world. Go to bed for crying out loud.

Cause I said i would…

In Adventures with Jenko on March 14, 2011 at 3:34 am

I said I’d write about something every day…and today I have nothing to write about..

But out of strictly being fearful that I won’t stay in the habit of writing something, I’m going to write nonsense instead.

Today was a really weird day. I woke up completely exhausted, and stayed delirious the entire day. I attempted to re-pack the remaining boxes in the garage…and came across my darth vader action figure.

It made me giddy. I haven’t seen the damn thing in 2 1/2 years…pretty much since I moved back home.

I marched inside the house and threw on my star wars shirt.

I had to commemorate the day…somehow.

Drove to the theatre, and did a final matinee for The Man Who Came to Dinner...and for the first time in a LONG time…I wasn’t sad to see the show end.

It was a fantastic experience, and definitely a fun show to perform…but I’m ready to take on some new things….

I’m itching to move out of my parents house…and I don’t know if I haven’t been motivated enough, or if I was waiting for just the right opportunity…but I’m ready to leave…

My parents are putting the house on the market in 2 weeks, and I’m ready to move-on. Ready to try something new. Ready to risk a little more. Ready to have a social life outside of Rancho. I feel like I’ve put certain aspects of my life on hold for the past 2 1/2 years, while I dove into aspects I haven’t tried before…I feel like I’m at a point where I’ve had my fun and I got what I could out of this experience…but its time for a change.

And I can’t wait.

And I’m grateful that my new journey begins tomorrow.