Damn you, Wheat. Damn you.

In Rants on February 24, 2011 at 9:53 pm

It is 1:38.

And I haven’t had one cup of coffee.

Normally, I’d be proud of that fact….today, not so much.

Brewing cup as we speak. Since I’m out of creamer, I’m giving myself permission to include cool whip and cinnamon in my coffee…it’s only fair.

I had a weird early afternoon. I got dressed in what can only be called, “an erika outfit.” I think I only own 2 “normal” pairs of jeans, and everything else is…well…almost like costume pieces.

Today I was feeling funky in my coffee-less state, so I left the house in neon yellow tube socks, black leggings, rainbow hiker boots, an 80’s workout tank top, and a sweater. Ridiculous. But I own it.

I walked into Subway to buy a salad. It’s difficult to buy a salad when there are a billion delicious $5 footlongs to choose from.

But I ordered a salad.

yes a salad.

And let’s be clear.

I’m NOT. I repeat NOT on a diet. I’m going completely wheat-free…yes..no beer, pasta, bread, pizza…all of my food groups. Bottom-line, I have a wheat allergy. My reaction to wheat isn’t a breakout in hives…I have the rare version…it literally makes me depressed. Can you believe that? Beer makes me depressed. Beer is the juice of the gods…and yet it makes me depressed. So why am I just now trying to fix this? Because, c’mon, would you give up pizza and beer just because it made you moody? I don’t think so. A week ago, I decided I wouldn’t screw this up, and I’d literally go without bread, cereal, beer, etc. I’ve tried this in the past, and I give in a few days in. I’ve given in once in the past week or so, and it wasn’t pretty. I snuck up to the fridge, and peaked inside (knowing full well that there was a vat of tuna noodle casserole) sitting inside.

Tuna noodle casserole isn’t great even when it’s heated up.

This stuff was cold.

Sitting in gladware in the back of the fridge.

Nonetheless, I snuck up to the fridge, opened the container…and guilty hunched over the container and ate a couple noodles…cold drippy noodles.

It was endlessly pathetic. But it happened.

The good news is, I’ve been eating ridiculously healthy. I live on veggies and anything wrapped in lettuce….and pretty much fruit 3 meals a day. I have more energy, and I am incapable of sleeping past 9:00…so all in all…this could be a good thing.

Until I have a panic attack in public because I need a beer.

Stay tuned.


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